MS: The Best Club We Never Wanted to Join
When someone newly diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) gets in touch, I’ve often quipped that they’ve joined “the best club they never wanted to join.” The meaning, of course, is that none of us wants to have an incurable, progressive , degenerative neurological condition that often causes irreversible disability — but at the same time, many of the people who live with MS are some of the best people I have ever met. The Kindness and Warmth of People With MS While traveling recently to promote my new book, Living Well With Multiple Sclerosis , I had the wonderful opportunity to meet a whole new cohort of people living with this disease in person, not just online, as has mostly been the case over these past several years of COVID-19. In cities and towns, small bookshops and large convention centers, I was once again shown the kindness and warmth of people with MS. Perhaps it is because I was speaking to and with groups of people who are looking for a new tool for their MS kit, or another bullet in their bandoleer, that the experiences have been so positive. People who are trying to live their best lives within a sometimes-diminished chassis are generally the sort with whom I like to associate — MS or not. We all have those people in our lives who feel better only when others feel worse, or those who think it’s a contest of one-upmanship to prove that they have it worse than you, and others who suck the joy from any room they enter. In some cases, we may not have the ability to cut them out of our lives — they may be our bosses, coworkers, or more often, family — so we get on (or around) as best we can. The restorative force, however, of a good pal or two can counterbalance (almost) the negative effects of one of those deadwood people in our lives. Buoyed Up by Each Other, not Dragged Down I’ve written before about having an MS buddy and the “ knowing nod ,” but my recent experiences went beyond that. The people I met over this past month or so, however, expressed so much more than commiseration. We shared things that work (and don’t). We laughed (we cried). We celebrated successes (and wrote failures off to the experience for trying). We were all buoyed by each other as we tried to get on with living our lives well, multiple sclerosis included. Because of why we were gathered, MS was almost always part of the conversation. But oftentimes when I interact with our community, it’s the other stuff that we have in common or contrast that firms my belief that we are a cadre of people to which I am proud to belong. Unique Individuals United by Chance I’ve said of the crew of my first ship in the U.S. Coast Guard — a hardworking buoy tender in the Great Lakes that wasn’t the highest on the glamour scale when it came to billets — that I met people in whose hands I had to place my life, and with whom I never would have associated had it not been for our assignment to the Acacia, seen here on the MuseumShips website . The same can be said for many of the intrepid souls I’ve met because of multiple sclerosis. Not all of us have a 100 percent positive attitude 100 percent of the time (but name me anyone you’d want to be around who does!). We’ve got our quirks, our idiosyncrasies, and our peculiarities. We’ve got our highs and lows, our ups and downs. But, in far more than just general terms, the people I’ve come to know and love who live with multiple sclerosis really make it the best club, even if we’d rather not be members. Wishing you and your family the best of health. Cheers, Trevis My new book, Living Well With Multiple Sclerosis , is now available. Follow me on the Life With MS Facebook page , and read more on Life With Multiple Sclerosis .
Are you and your partner neglecting sex play? Learn how to add it back into your routine to boost your bond in and out of the bedroom. While "quickies" can be fun and spontaneous, skipping foreplay means missing out on a great way to connect emotionally and physically. According to Pepper Schwartz, PhD, a sexual health expert and researcher at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, foreplay is critical, elemental, and necessary. Foreplay, also known as "outercourse," is any sexual activity that occurs before intercourse. There is no single way to engage in foreplay, as it can mean different things to different people. It can involve kissing, caressing, cuddling, flirty texting or talking, massage, and oral sex. If you like it a little rough, biting, pinching, scratching, and spanking can be a turn-on. The goal is to increase sexual excitement, which can help prepare the body for intercourse. Foreplay is sometimes thought of as a warm-up for sex, but it doesn't necessarily have to lead to intercourse. Some couples find foreplay itself to be sexually fulfilling as a main event. The benefits of foreplay include lubrication of the vagina, an extended erection, and the prevention of premature ejaculation for people with penises. The female body pulls the uterus up when aroused, lengthening the vagina. This process, called uterine tenting, creates a pool area for semen, which is part of the reproductive sophistication of our machinery, according to Dr. Schwartz. As those muscles relax, the nerve endings start to get stimulated, paving the way for a more pleasurable experience. Research involving married couples has found that 1 to 10 minutes of foreplay was associated with 40% of women achieving orgasm during sex. That percentage rose to 50 with 12 to 20 minutes of foreplay and 60 with more than 20 minutes of foreplay. If you want more action in bed, you have to let your partner know what you want. But talking about sex can be easier said than done for some. Dr. Lyndsey Harper, a clinical assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Texas A&M School of Medicine in Bryan, Texas, recommends two sentence starters to try when expressing sexual desire to your partner: "I want you to..." and "It feels so good when you...". If it makes you more comfortable, you can bring up your sexual needs outside of the bedroom. If you don't know how to bring it up, she suggests starting the conversation with something like, "Our sex life is really important, and I'd love for us to feel open talking about things. Would it be okay for me to share with you some things I like?" Communication comfort is closely linked to trust. To experience true intimacy and fun foreplay, trusting each other is essential, especially since our needs constantly change. Couples who find it difficult to communicate about their desires should consider seeing a couple's counselor or sex therapist who can help them navigate these discussions.- Foreplay is just play. Couples can engage in it however they want. According to Dr. Harper, it generally takes about 20 minutes of arousal for women to become fully lubricated and ready for penetrative sex. However, it is best to abolish the idea of "foreplay" and the "main event" of penetrative sex and work together with your partner to create a fun and intimate sexual life where everyone's needs are met.
https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/sexual-foreplay.aspx
